Be Honest, Do You Hate Me?
Overthinking to the point of altering reality
Does anyone else ever get that feeling.
That feeling when you wake up, go through the day, finish and get into bed. You lay there in your pajamas, showered and relaxed. You lay your head back on the pillow, close your eyes, and are just about to drift off. Then your brain sends you a quick message, an SOS, a neon sign.
“Gosh, does anyone like me?”
I genuinely feel this way at least once a month. It doesn’t correlate with my womanly time, don’t get any ideas. It is just something that seems to smack me on the face every couple of weeks. It comes in waves — tidal waves.
I can convince myself of anything. I have come to this conclusion. I bet you can too.
If you think hard enough about anything, it’s likely one way or another you're going to believe it.
This is why so many people nowadays are obsessed with manifesting. Our brains are immensely powerful and tricky things.
I have been accidentally manifesting this worry since I was in elementary school, and wasn't sure if my desk partner liked me or not. Hell, I wasn’t sure if anyone, even my best friend, really liked me.
Don’t ask me why, I still have no idea to this day.
I can specifically remember times when this feeling would wash over me like a fog. I would get the idea that “no one liked me today”, and would avoid all playtime at recess, lunch, and after school.
Instead, I would find a quiet corner and read a book.
It was like coming down a cliff of self-consciousness. The next couple of days would become easier until I realized one day that — hell, I actually did have friends.
I have no clue where these thoughts came from, or why they still haven’t left. They taunt me every so often and always seem to show up when I really just don’t have the patience to push them away.
It takes a lot of brainpower to force these thoughts away sometimes. But, not a lot of effort for them to present themselves.
Self-conscious or not, I believe that we all have these days.
I had one of those days today. The days you're just not entirely sure if everyone in the entire world that you know has been faking it. They all hate me! I just know it.
I for one, can’t wait for the comedown.
Nowadays, however, at least I can acknowledge that it is just that — a feeling. A feeling that like sadness, excitement and the overflux of emotions humans feel each day. It will go away. This one just isn’t real.
Know how I know? I have a dog. She’ll always have to like me.
